01/04/08
Much like St. Louis’s Highway 40 (or
“Farty” as the locals refer to it), the year 2007 has come to a close, and
considering the year it was I’m guessing much of 2007 will likely be forgotten
by the time Hwy 40 reopens in the year 2525 (with apologies to Zager and
Evans). The end of yet another year, as we all know, means it’s time once again
for the most anticipated of all Friday Rambles (No, not the LAST Friday Ramble),
The Rambling Man’s annual “Year in revue Ramble”. Even though The Rambling Man
is fully aware all of his readers actually participated to one extent or another
in the year 2007, he also realizes that due to their advancing age, or what they
may have done to themselves over the course of their existence, some of his
readers could probably use a reminder of just what did happen. As a
consideration to all subjects mentioned in the following Friday Ramble I ask
that you hold you applause until all subjects have been duly trashed, dissed, or
made fun of.
2007 started out like many other years (at least the ones I can remember) with something I like to call “January”. It then continued to proceed (or proceeded to continue) in a very typical manner until reaching a very December-like conclusion. I’d like to say it was a great year, but as all of my readers are well aware, The Rambling Man does not lie. Embellish, exaggerate, overstate, overdo, pretend, fictionalize, manipulate, and bullshit, yes, but, I never lie.
2007 will go down in history as one of those years when a lot of things happened. 2007 had pathos, love, war, sadness, joy, sex, drugs, and rock and roll, the thrill of victory and the agony of my feet. In other words, it had something for everyone. Everyone who actually remained alive throughout the year, that is. How’s that for a segue’ into The Rambling Man’s annual “Did you know so-and-so died last year?” report? The Rambling Man is fully aware that many longtime Friday Ramble readers, as well as those who take a longtime to read the Friday Ramble, always check the year-end Friday Ramble list of those who have died in the previous year to see if their name is on the list. While The Rambling Man is well aware of what an honor it is to be mentioned by name in a Friday Ramble, I am also thinking this is NOT the section in which you want that to happen. After tediously lengthy research which actually took about as long as it takes The Rambling Man to drink a cup of coffee, I have come to the conclusion that no one on the list of local “notables” was, in my opinion, notable enough to mention. This, of course, means I didn’t recognize most of their names which, in turn, also indicates the extent of The Rambling Man’s local community involvement. I was both heartened and saddened by the St. Louis newspaper’s inclusion of the names of local area military personnel who were killed during the past year while serving in Afghanistan and Iraq. One name on that list is one too many. I, personally, find the recognition of those who died in service to their country to be much more appropriate than overemphasizing the death of some former “Dog Chow” company executive whose idea it was for the “Dog Chow” making company to buy an ice hockey team (I wonder if it was his idea to paint The Arena to resemble a Brobdingnagian checkerboard, too?) And while lots and lots of people died all over the country and the world, The Rambling Man is not going to attempt to recognize all of them in this Friday Ramble. I will, however, mention a few who in one way or another had an influence on my life.
Missouri Senator Thomas Eagleton died on March 4. Sadly, Senator Eagleton is probably best known for losing out on the 1972 Democratic Vice-Presidential candidacy due to a history of mental illness. Isn’t it a shame they didn’t institute mandatory mental illness tests for all candidates after that? If they had I’m betting we wouldn’t find ourselves involved in Iraq and Afghanistan right now.
Ike Turner, former sparring partner of Ida Mae Bullock, died this year at the age of 76. The Rambling Man would suggest viewing the Ike Turner biographical film, “What’s Love Got to do With It?” to see just where the term “Hit” record comes from.
The amount of attention paid this year to the “untimely” passing of Anna Nicole Smith, a lady of Brobdingnagian boobillage and Lilliputian talent, is sad commentary on the level of intelligence to which our country has allowed itself to be lowered.
The Rambling Man was saddened by the passing of Kurt Vonnegut at age 84. It was upon reading several of Vonnegut’s books and seeing Vonnegut on TV talk shows that The Rambling Man realized extraordinarily weird people, as long as they possess a Brobdingnagian vocabulary, can be idolized as writers. This, at least in my mind, then indicated that there’s still hope for The Rambling Man. You are currently reading the result of that revelation.
(As some of you by now may have guessed, “Brobdingnagian” is the Friday Ramble word of the day, and I’m going to keep using it until each and every one of you has looked it up to find out what the hell it means. When you do, please email me and explain it so I’ll know if I’ve been using it properly)
I considered Merv Griffin, who died this year at age 83, to be a genius of heroic proportions, possibly even bordering on the Brobdingnagian, for creating The Rambling Man’s favorite TV game show, “Jeopardy”. However, Griffin also created “Wheel of Fortune” which, of course, completely cancels out each and every one of his other lifetime accomplishments combined.
Due to circumstances known to only one Friday Ramble reader in the entire world, The Rambling Man will not say anything about singer Dan Fogelberg other than he died in 2007.
Joey Bishop, who died in 2007, was well known as a comedian and the last surviving member of the “Rat Pack”. But, how many of my readers remember that, even though he guest-hosted The Tonight Show more than anyone else, he once also went up against Johnny Carson as a late-night talk show host with his own show, the magnanimously titled, “The Joey Bishop Show”? And for 5 extra credit points, who can identify the “newcomer” with the strange name who was Bishop’s Ed McMahon-like announcer on that show? Is that your final answer?
The Rambling Man was saddened to learn of the passing of Don Herbert, 89, during 2007. The only appropriate thing I know to say about Mr. Herbert is, “Gee, thanks, Mr. Wizard”.
When John Wayne died (in 1979, not 2007) our country not only lost a great film actor and humanitarian, it also lost the living symbol of American manliness and masculinity. While there were those at the time who felt it would be impossible to find another man who was manly enough to fill Duke’s size 13 cowboy boots, it was only a matter of time before the obvious successor came forward. There could have only been one choice for the man who would be the standard against which all other men would measure themselves as our country’s icon of masculinity. That man died in 2007. Charles Nelson Riley was 76.
Proving beyond a shadow of a doubt, at least to The Rambling Man anyway, that there really is a God, Jerry Falwell died in 2007.
That old adage, “We will decease no winemaker before his time” was confirmed when Ernest Gallo died at 97. I guess 97 wasn’t a good year for Gallo.
The Rambling Man once had the privilege of meeting political humorist Molly Ivins. Ya gotta love a lady who, saying he wasn’t fit to be considered a full fledged Bush, continuously referred to the current President of the United States as “Shrub”. Ms. Ivins passed away in 2007 at the age of 62.
After surviving countless bone-shattering crashes and other mishaps that would have easily killed lesser men, Robert Craig Knievel (aka Evel) passed away quietly in 2007 from the effects of a lung disease. Bobby Knievel made his first motorcycle jump over a caged mountain lion and some crates full of rattlesnakes as a publicity stunt to promote his failing auto dealership in 1965. For all of my readers who are now wondering how they can find out more about the life of this iconic motorcycle daredevil, The Rambling Man would recommend viewing the 1971 biographical film titled, appropriately enough, “Evel Knievel” which starred George Hamilton in a memorable performance as, what can only be described as, what Evel Knievel would have looked like with a real good suntan.
2007 saw several adjustments in The Rambling Man’s medication, which is my explanation (or excuse, if you will) for why I can’t seem to remember most of 2007. I have, from time to time, gone to the “Archives” section of The Rambling Man’s website and read some of the Friday Rambles from the recent past. I don’t know who wrote all that stuff, but he’s a funny fucker whoever he is. I have also, through diligent research, discovered that the prescription medications The Rambling Man’s team of attending physicians have prescribed, when taken in conjunction with the “non-prescription” medications The Rambling Man has prescribed for himself have a direct effect on how funny each week’s Friday Ramble will be. The phrase, “Better living through chemistry” comes to mind, but I’m not sure why. 2007 was also a year in which The Rambling Man made the decision to take a long overdue break from the exhausting, mind numbing, seemingly never ending weekly grind of fighting a Friday deadline in an effort to get yet another hilarious Friday Ramble out to his adoring fans. The very first recorded Friday Ramble was sent out to all 20 of my friends on May 10, 2001. I am sure all 8,432,279 of my current readers will agree that producing a Friday Ramble every Friday for 5½ years is truly a task of Brobdingnagian proportions. A lot has changed over that period of time. Five years ago the people of Boston were still pissing and moaning because the Red Sox hadn’t won a World Series in a long time. Now the only thing the people of Boston have to piss and moan about is that they don’t have anything to piss and moan about anymore. And they had gotten so good at it, too. The price of gasoline has risen to levels we never would have thought possible 5½ years ago. Global warming has been proven, disproved, re-proven, and had its credibility questioned dozens of times in the past 5½ years. 5½ years ago the word “creationist” was usually only used in jokes, “A priest, a rabbi, and a creationist walk into a bar…”. On May 10, 2001, when I sent out the first Friday Ramble, 9/11 was just another day in September like all the rest. Sometime during the past 5½ years The Rambling Man added a member to his family whom none of his other relatives had ever heard of. Now I have Aunts and cousins who want to meet Great Great Uncle Snoop Dogg Arnold. In the past 5½ years The Rambling Man changed jobs more times than he changed his underwear. And in the past 5½ years I have thoroughly enjoyed writing over 387,000 Friday Rambles (actually it’s closer to 300) and sending them out to all of you, my loyal readers. I look forward to doing so again, but not for a while. The Rambling Man has some other projects he wants to focus on that he thinks his readers will enjoy and he wants to give them the time they deserve. It is with no small amount of sadness (The Rambling Man has a Brobdingnagian-like lump in his throat right now) that I will end this final Friday Ramble in such a way as is befitting its importance in the scheme of our lives. I have just tuned up my favorite ukulele and will now accompany myself as I sing to all of my readers….
A one anda two…
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
Happy trails to you, 'till we meet again.
(Strumming my
uke with a tear in my eye…)
Some trails are happy ones,
Others are blue.
It's the way you ride the trail that counts,
Here's a happy one for you.
Happy trails to you, until we meet again.
Happy trails to you, keep smilin' until then.
Who cares about the clouds when we're together?
Just sing a song and bring the sunny weather.
EVERYBODY SING!!!!!!!!!!
Happy trails to you, 'till we meeeeeeet agaaaaaain.
On one ultimately last absolutely final closing note I am very proud to report that EVERY Friday Ramble reader, with the exception of one, has already contacted The Rambling Man to identify this week’s Friday Ramble “intentional mistake”. Yes, you are all right. May 10, 2001 WAS actually 6½ years ago, not 5½ years ago. That was an easy one, wasn’t it? The name of the one, single, individual Friday Ramble reader who did not find and report that unbelievably obvious mistake will not be released due to the incredible embarrassment it would cause that person. And rightfully so.