05/18/07
This week The Rambling Man is just going to throw out some of the random thoughts which occasionally pop into his mind and are snared in the cobwebs before they can escape. Reading these may cause most of you to wonder if the doctors shouldn’t adjust the dosage of The Rambling Man’s medication.
The next time, dear readers, any of you are stopped by the police for driving too fast try this. When the officer asks you, “Where were you going in such a hurry?” just put a desperately frightened expression on your face and with eyes wide and nostrils flaring look him straight in the eye and say, “To see my psychiatrist” Take my word for it, this works.
Through diligent research The Rambling Man has determined it is a scientific fact a human being cannot possibly win a staring contest with a bobble head doll. Those little bastards are just that good.
If the use of the prefix “re” means to repeat whatever it precedes, wouldn’t the word re-echo be repetitively redundant? And do we really have to alize before we can realize?
Have you ever spent an entire evening staring at a lava lamp wondering what makes it work, and then the next day wonder why you wondered that? Yeah, me neither.
Isn’t it amazing that nowadays there are so many more people who are taking drugs to make their world seem normal than are taking drugs to make their world seem weird? And you really have to wonder about the ones who are doing both.
Did you ever twist a cat’s tail to see if it will make a siren sound like in the cartoons? It doesn’t work, but it’s not a complete waste of time because the cat gets really pissed off.
How come in all the science fiction movies you never see an alien wearing glasses?
The ancient Greeks and Romans had them, so why shouldn’t The Rambling Man have his own pantheon of deities? For those of my readers who may be Mount Olympus challenged, that means I am in the process of creating my own group of Gods and Goddesses to worship. Some of the ones I’ve come up with so far are…
Spiccoli, the God of herbal muscle relaxers
Kazoo, the Goddess of The Rambling Man’s only musical talent
Cuervo, the God of memory loss
Bic, the God of fire
La-Z-Boy, the God of comfort
Sony, the Goddess of big screen TV’s
If any of my readers are also fans of the peanut butter and jelly sandwich I would like to take this opportunity to inform you that The Rambling Man has been performing in-depth research on the origin of that taste treat. First delving into the derivation of peanut butter I discovered that there are many who think George Washington Carver invented peanut butter. And while he did create many new and wonderful uses for it, peanut butter was around long before Mr. Carver was. Archaeologists have found evidence of a peanut butter-like substance dating back to the ancient Egyptian tomb of Pharaoh Ramses “Skippy” Osiris IV. But, sadly the true origin of peanut butter is forever lost in the swirling mists of time. Further derivation delving was involved in an attempt to discover who first created jelly. Fortunately The Rambling Man’s research was made easier by the fact that jelly is not nearly as old as peanut butter. In fact, it is a verifiable fact that Wentworth T. Smucker is considered to be the father of jelly. However, further research has uncovered some interesting facts to the contrary. In paragraph four on page 327 of “Jelly; the Facts and the Myths” by noted jellyologist Quentin Quigley (Harper & Barnes, 1890) it states that Wentworth’s mother, Abigail, gave him the family secret of solidifying fruit juice. And so, while Wentworth was responsible for making great strides in its manufacture and distribution, recognition for the actual creation of jelly has to go to the one and only Mother Smucker.