07/06/07
The Rambling Man is in the process of training his two Great Danes, Savannah and Audie, to obey certain commands. Like most of the women The Rambling Man has had in his life, these two sometimes don’t want to obey him as they should. Because she is deaf, Audie is more of a challenge, but Savannah is proving to be kind of lady The Rambling Man likes. Yesterday I told her, “sit”, and she sat down immediately. I told her, “lie down”, and she did. When I told her to, “roll over” she obeyed. Then I told her, “play dead” and she went straight over to the CD player and fired up “Sugar Magnolia”. Yup, The Rambling Man’s kind of dog.
I know it may come as a surprise to some of you, but “Independence Day” is not just a summer blockbuster movie starring Will Smith. It is also the day we, as Americans, have set aside to celebrate the freedoms we take for granted, and which so many aliens have made themselves illegal in order to enjoy. It is the day on which we commemorate the signing of the Declaration of Independence by a bunch of men we affectionately refer to as our “forefathers”(even though only a couple of them actually signed it on the 4th). Because they knew they were eventually going to declare the 4th of July a National Holiday anyway, the rest of the Continental Congress had taken the day off and were probably out somewhere barbequing, drinking beer (Sam Adams, no doubt), and setting off cheap-ass foreign made bottle rockets. Knowing this country as he does, The Rambling Man hereby predicts that one day we will have yet another obnoxious and completely superfluous “National Holiday” which will magically occur on a three day weekend so we can party and get drunk to honor the aforementioned “forefathers”. This “holiday” will be known (appropriately enough) as “Forefathers Day”, and The Rambling Man also predicts that, due to holiday gift giving, the advent of this holiday will cause the soap-on-a-rope industry in this country to once again flourish. And, of course, the creation of this holiday will prompt the Hallmark Greeting Card Company to create “Foremothers Day” just to keep the militant feminists happy. With all this talk about “fore” this and “fore” that, The Rambling Man is wondering if the “founding fathers” of the NFL’s Washington Redskins should be referred to as the “Foreskins”.
So many of the rights and freedoms we enjoy in this country are taken for granted that even the act of taking them for granted is now taken for granted. Take, for instance, the 1st Amendment to the Bill of Rights. It is this Amendment which provides all American citizens (and anybody else who wants to rag on this country) the right to freedom of speech. The abridged version reads, “Congress shall make no law….abridging the freedom of speech…”. And don’t forget to celebrate “National Freedom of Speech Week” (Oct. 15-21, 2007) by taking Larry Flint, Howard Stern, and Don Imus to lunch. Just stop and ask yourselves, are there any other countries in the world that provide their citizens the right to speak so freely? Well, okay, yeah there are. But, they got the idea from us.
According to the Constitution of the United States, it is our God-given right (along with separation of church and state) to be able to say what we want about any subject without fear of reprisal. It is because of this you are able to enjoy the Friday Ramble each week. Try to imagine The Rambling Man writing what he does without this freedom. It is because of this Right to freedom of speech that The Rambling Man can be as obnoxious as he wants to be on any subject he chooses. As a hypothetical example; What if The Rambling Man thought it was morally and ethically wrong to continue to wastefully sacrifice more American lives on an unpopular and un-winnable war in Iraq? What if The Rambling Man thought George W. Bush was a semi-literate idiot who was little more than a puppet of American big business and OPEC? What if The Rambling Man thought there were no truly promising candidates in the upcoming election to vote for, and thus held little hope for the future of our country? If he really felt that way could The Rambling Man actually say and write those things without fear of government monitoring and reprisal? Of course he could. In fact, The Rambling Man could go even further and accuse ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| of being a non-hetero Al-Qaeda terrorist operative planted in the White House by |||||||||| bin |||||||||||. Plus, knowing he has the right to do so, The Rambling Man can divulge the Top Secret information that the entire White House staff is in collusion with the ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Corporation to bring down the monopoly that ||||||||||||||||||||||| has on the ||||||||||||||||| industry.
Not only that, but |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| and |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| Pee Wee Herman ||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| bombing ||||||||||||||||||||||| Disney World ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| nuclear |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| 273 ukuleles |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||| plus The Rambling Man has proof that ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| is involved in a plot to overthrow the government of ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| November 13th of ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| sent The Rambling Man photographs of ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| and |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| having sex with a an under-age ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| both at the same time. For those reasons I am sure The Rambling Man’s readers will rise up and |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| |||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||| before it is too late.
These statements and accusations could not be made in a country that did not have the Constitutional Right to freedom of speech we have. In America we can live without fear that our words and actions are monitored and censored by the government, and we can sleep soundly at night knowing that, even if the government could keep track of what we say and do, they do not have the power or authority to do anythi…..